________________________________________________ Protect Your Children:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once You Decide To Get Out Of The Relationship:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why Can’t I Stay and Try to Fix Her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Little is known about the prognosis for change in women who batter their partners. Women who batter their partners sometimes abuse alcohol or drugs. On these disinhibiting substances, they have less impulse control and are more prone to act out in violence. Alcohol and drug treatment may be helpful in these cases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some estimates show that at least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with women who have a Borderline Personality Disorder. The disorder is also associated with suicidal or self-destructive behavior, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and addictions.1<\/sup><\/a> This personality disorder is difficult to treat and there is little documentation of whether treatment would actually reduce episodes of violence. More research in this area is needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Other women who abuse may have unhealthy or unrealistic expectations, assumptions and false conclusions from past abusive relationships. Sometimes men getting into these relationships, like Bryan’s story above, think they can rescue their partner from their painful past with enough love and support. However, despite what their partner offers, these women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they usually attribute to their partner’s behavior. The words, “It’s your fault that I feel this way,” is a warning sign. However, many men feel that if they try harder in response they may be able to cure their partner’s rages. Typically, the women’s mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, or trauma during childhood. They have a pattern of being a chronic victim and blaming men rather than admitting their problems and take responsibility for how they react. They may enter treatment, but typically they do not stay long enough to sustain real change. They may insist the man needs treatment, but then feel threatened when he goes for help. When their partner can’t make them feel better, these women become frustrated and assume that men are doing this on purpose just to irritate them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Can I stay in my relationship? I love her when she is not beating me up.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your safety and well-being have to be a priority. What advice would you give to a close friend in a situation like yours? Often once violence erupts in a relationship it is very hard to get it to stop. Also evaluate the overall quality of your relationship. Often patterns of control and emotional abuse accompany the physical violence. Are you really seeing the whole picture in your relationship? Or are you experiencing a fragmented, idealized view of your relationship, without the negative parts? This split reality is often how people in abusive relationships survive, but it also makes it harder for them to face the whole reality- good and bad- of their relationship. Keep a notebook of the negative things that have been said and done in your relationship. Look at the whole picture to make your decision of whether to stay or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone what is happening to me- what will they think of me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is important to tell a few people that you trust what is really going on. Ask for their support and patience. Often men think they are hiding this problem, but people close to them actually start to suspect that something is amiss. Some abusive women are very charming and sweet to others in public view and then show rage behind closed doors. Their male partners fear that no one will believe them. If you don’t feel like anyone is able to believe you or support you, then seek professional help from someone that does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “I told my therapist what is happening and he\/she did not seem to take me seriously. What should I do now?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n First, print this article and take to your therapist, perhaps along with some materials from the additional list below. If your therapist still does not take you seriously, then seek out someone who has more experience in working with abusive relationships. You are not alone. There are many professionals who want to help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What if I fight back? Will that stop the abuse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n No, unfortunately even in self-defense the use of any violence against a woman is likely to get you arrested. Violence is not the answer. Talk to a professional to help you know what to do when your partner goes into a rage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n http:\/\/www.abanet.org\/tips\/dvsafety.html<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n http:\/\/dahmw.org\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Angie Panos, Ph.D. is a therapist that specializes in trauma and grief, she has 20 years of experience in helping survivors. She is a board member of Gift From Within<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Content may not be reproduced on websites without express permission. Please link instead.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" On Bryan’s initial visit to see me, he complained of marital concerns and depression. It took until our third session before he told me that his wife would sometimes beat him around the face and head, even while he was asleep. A year prior, she beat him so hard that he lost all hearing in … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":8,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4903"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4903"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4904,"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4903\/revisions\/4904"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.giftfromwithin.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
To find out where to get help in your area,
CALL the National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)<\/strong>
___________________________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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Frequently Asked Questions from Men in Battering Relationships:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
References and Resources<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"pdf.gif](\"https:\/\/giftfromwithin.org\/images\/pdf.gif\")
dvam.pdf<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n